AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
Updated: Jun 14, 2020
How would you describe your relationship or previous relationships?
As a Relationships Therapist, I have listened to the heartbreaking stories of couples and individuals, through tears and gut-wrenching sobs - share their experience of infidelity, addictions, loss of sexual desire, fallen out of love with their partner or spouse.
Lies, deceit, and betrayal come in many disguises and is a very complex area.
Today I want to bring about an awareness in the arena of being unfaithful, which is soul-destroying, leaving in its very path - destruction in our society and families.
And, the distorted beliefs of a value system in the age-old testament to remain faithful, when those boundaries are severed there is a great painful cost, and the result is devastating for all involved in this relationship nuclear fallout.
Because there are many individuals involved, it has a ripple effect that reaches far and wide
But!!! You can come back from this warfare stronger than before, if you are both invested in yourselves to become more self-aware/other aware and are both prepared to make the relationship work.
Why do men or women cheat?
There are many reasons why a person may cheat. Often it’s about how they appeal to another person, an individual’s attractiveness is not just about looks it can be status which comes in many different forms – intelligence, wealth, humour, education, career, materialism, influence, opportunities, and of course physical appearance.
Perhaps they have a very high sex drive and their partner does not or they love taking risks having a sense of adventure living on the edge, or there have been ongoing relationship problems where one partner feels misunderstood or unappreciated constantly fighting and bickering which has driven the couple apart!
Opportunity can play a part in taking risks to cheat, it may start out as acquaintances perhaps with a colleague, or someone through business interactions, travel, or couples who spend a lot of time apart have a separate social life, travel with their jobs spending long periods away from home, have different friends, this sets up more opportunities’ to be unfaithful. Also, it can happen with shared friendship groups where couples spend a lot of their time in a foursome or more – go away on trips regularly meet up every weekend living in each other’s pockets this may encourage a deep attraction to someone in the group. It may also have been a one-off casual sexual encounter on a night out with friends.
I have witnessed many different reasons why a person may be unfaithful
Maybe you have been unfaithful or perhaps you were or are the betrayed.
There is hope to heal from infidelity – why did you feel the need to stray?
What was missing from the relationship, didn’t you feel that your partner was enough for you? Or was it that you believed that you were too good for him or her?
What was the other person giving you, that you were missing with your partner?
Was it that you had both stopped communicating with each other, and you found conversation comforting with the other person, it made you feel seen, heard, come alive.
If it was an emotional affair
What was happening in your relationship before the emotional affair – how much attention and time were you both investing in each other and the relationship?
Can you even remember the last time that you were both happy, grateful, and content to be in the relationship?
Coming up next...
We speak into the unimaginable roller coaster of emotions, when the reality of betrayal brings about fear for the loss of the intimate relationship.