Updated: Jun 14
Understanding your attachment style and becoming aware of its impact in your relationship, can help you make healthy changes with your partner and become a better lover.
- Have you ever wondered what your attachment style is?
- Do you ever think why, you keep attracting the same type of partner?
- Or why you are attracted to certain types of people?
- Or even why you dated people in the past who you weren’t compatible with?
Think about the constant choices that we have, the effort invested in choosing a partner and the hard work required to make a relationship work.
Let’s take a closer look, as we learn about attachment styles . There is something you can do to change your attachment style, where we are not stuck with the same attachment style forever.
So, read on!!!
Your attachment style can change the way that you and your partner relate to each other as lovers – maybe the relationship has become fragile
This is your chance to become self-aware, change, transform and grow.
There are four attachment styles in love
The secure attachment style has its own advantage in love.
There is a security and safe feeling, in going to your partner about anything, regardless of how vulnerable you may feel and in return you allow your partner absolute freedom.
What you might notice about the secure attachment style, they are honest and open with a equal relationships the couple are healthy and each thrive in their personal growth as a result of emotional freedom, there’s a union formed as they healthily merge together building a strong and stable foundation. Security isn’t having Perfection, so lets not get confused by this.
A secure couple will fall out, have off days, disagree, where they are set apart from the other attachment styles is their higher levels of emotional intelligence
Having effective Communication Style
They’re less likely to attack their partners and are able to establish a secure problem-solving communication style, they are both highly resilient individuals with the insights to overcome relational obstacles because of their Self Awareness
2. Anxious - Preoccupied
The individuals with this attachment style are most likely to romanticise love. The issue with this is that they are more likely to form a fantasy bond, with a partner instead of the relationship being based on reality . They tend to be attracted to the partner they can save or who can save them
The anxious preoccupied style can be demanding, obsessive and clingy. They are prone to over analyse every situation.They have a tendency to have more mood swings, and often mistake turbulent relationships for passion. Their struggles are anxiety, low self-esteem, insecurities, find it difficult to establish a strong sense of self.
This is closely related to their family of origin as they possibly grew up, without healthy boundaries, without a role model who was nurturing or without parental loving guidance to nurture their individuality.
3. Dismissive – Avoidant
This style tends to be emotionally distant and avoidant to their partners, although they may appear self-sufficient, independent and can avoid true intimacy, whilst having a healthy space for two people to grow, breath and be themselves in any relationship.
People with a dismissive-avoidant style more frequently push themselves away, so as not to appear vulnerable to their partner. If their partner threatens to leave them, they will shut their emotions down, and shut their partner out and pretend that they really don’t care.
Extreme independence is really an illusion. We all need connection it is our human condition we need to survive. What we understand is that the person with an dismissive – avoidant style have very few close relationships with other people.
4. Fearful – Avoidant
People with a fearful – avoidant attachment style experience a mix of feelings, fearing being too close or too distant from their lover and may be unpredictable even more overwhelmed by their own emotions, however they can have an understanding that they have to approach others to find love, but !!! watch out and be careful when getting too close to the fearful - avoidant type they may often hurt you.
They fear being abandoned but will then struggle with being confident in the relationship with their partner becoming dependent and relying upon them. They will struggle internally with inner conflict of wanting intimacy and resisting it?
The result isn’t good, because they experience highs and many lows, they may become too clingy with their partner when they feel rejected or may end up in an abusive relationship.
As you will see they are similar to the avoidant – dismissive style. Individuals who have the fearful – avoidant style struggle to get close with others as a result they have very few close relationships.
I hope that having learned about what your attachment style is and now being more aware of it, you can work on yourself and your relationship as you increase your awareness.
This is life changing, empowering, and emotionally freeing, helping you become a better lover.
Which attachment love style do you associate with?
How has it affected your relationships?
Please feel free to email me and receive your free consultation call with me.